The most striking thing about our conversations with Gerben Abbink isn’t how much he lost.
It’s how familiar his story feels to people who are still “doing fine.”
Because Gerben’s collapse didn’t begin with failure.
It began with success.
This article is inspired by our conversations with Gerben Abbink— explore the episodes and reflections ↓
Success can quietly replace self-worth
One of the clearest lessons from Gerben’s journey is how easily success becomes identity.
At some point, achievement stops being something you do —
and becomes something you are.
Your value gets measured in:
- output
- momentum
- growth
- proving something (to others, or to yourself)
The danger isn’t ambition.
The danger is when there’s nothing left of you once ambition is removed.
Many high performers don’t notice this shift until life forces a pause — through illness, burnout, or loss.
By then, the question becomes unavoidable:
Who am I, if I can’t perform my way forward?
The body always knows first
Another lesson is how long we can override physical signals when the mind is still “on track.”
Gerben kept going while his body was already waving red flags.
Not because he didn’t notice — but because stopping felt impossible.
This is deeply recognizable for many professionals:
- You explain symptoms away
- You normalize exhaustion
- You trust logic over sensation
But the body doesn’t negotiate.
When it’s ignored long enough, it doesn’t whisper anymore.
It shuts things down.
The learning here isn’t fear-based — it’s practical:
Listening earlier preserves choice.
Collapse doesn’t bring clarity — it removes illusion
There’s a common belief that crisis brings instant clarity.
In reality, collapse mostly brings confusion.
What it does bring is the removal of illusion:
- the illusion that more effort will fix everything
- the illusion that identity equals performance
- the illusion that success guarantees fulfillment
Gerben’s story reminds us that clarity doesn’t come from hitting rock bottom.
It comes later — slowly — through honesty, grief, and rebuilding without guarantees.
This matters because many people secretly believe:
Maybe I need a breakdown to change.
You don’t.
You need permission to question earlier.
Rebuilding is quieter than we expect
One of the most important takeaways is how unglamorous rebuilding actually is.
There is no dramatic comeback montage.
No instant confidence.
No certainty.
There are:
- small steps
- honest conversations
- recalibration of desire
- letting go of who you thought you had to be
For high performers, this phase is uncomfortable because it lacks metrics.
There’s nothing to win.
Nothing to optimize.
And yet — this is where something truer can emerge.
Not all ambition is worth keeping
Perhaps the most transferable insight from Gerben’s journey is this:
Not all ambition deserves your loyalty.
Some ambition is inherited.
Some is fear-driven.
Some is about proving, not living.
The work isn’t to eliminate ambition —
it’s to refine it.
To ask:
- What am I actually trying to achieve now?
- Who am I doing this for?
- What would success look like if it had to support my life — not consume it?
These are not dramatic questions.
But they are life-altering ones.
The real lesson
Gerben’s story isn’t a warning about failure.
It’s a reminder that you don’t have to lose everything to change direction.
If something in you recognizes this tension —
between momentum and meaning,
between success and satisfaction —
that recognition is already a form of intelligence.
And paying attention to it now
might be the most strategic move you ever make.
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